Inaugural Post

 I've been looking for a creative outlet for all of my writing. 

Well ...

My would-be writing, my un-hatched, barely shared with myself much less others, just a kernel of an idea writings. 

So I guess it's not writings, but it's just thoughts that are too long for an instagram story and not-ranty enough for a Facebook post, but things I wish I could share with friends. I have a lot of trouble trusting myself to be vulnerable with people. It's such a fine line between sharing enough vulnerability and oversharing to being the person whose entire life seems to be formed by walls of words self-selected from articles that resonate but may or may not actually apply. I've always wanted to have close friendships, but I've also had a problem letting people into my world. I've heavily fortified it over the years and as a people pleaser, it's been easier for me to listen to others than give voice to my own story. 

But here I am. I'm embarking on this little quest - both to better know myself, perhaps resonate with others, and to just fucking write ... hopefully a little bit often enough where it feels like a true practice. 

Here's a little bit about me: 

-I am nearly 40 (39 to be exact). 

-I live in California, but I was born and raised on the East Coast. 

-I have a husband and a dog. (see how good I am at being very basic?) 

-I deal with anxiety and depression. I believe I have for most of my life. I also deal with SI. I take medication, and go to a therapist and I can honestly say that these practices have saved my life. 

-I have been undergoing a mental health awakening the past two years, after hitting rock bottom. My toolbox for self-care has greatly expanded. 

-I decided during the pandemic to finally go gray. My hair has been my favorite attribute, so this decision was really tough, but I was also tired of having to go to the salon every 4 months. I'll probably talk about this in another post. 

-I joke that I have a lot of apocalypse skills: sewing, knitting, visible mending/embroidery. I also love to do needlepoint and cross stitch. Making things gradually is my jam, because my entire life I've worked in industries that are deadline driven. It feels great to slow down. 

-I read every night before bed. I am a very slow reader and I never meet my reading goals. But when I learned to read, a whole new world opened up to me. Reading taught me about independence. 

-I wish I was better about home decor. I really do. 

-I'm not sure I ever want to wear non-elastic waisted pants again. 

-I love Diet Coke. It's my vice. I drink it for breakfast and I'm not ashamed of that. 

So that's me. If you're here on this journey with me, great. I just ask that you remember that there is a live, human person behind all of these words. I have feelings, and a job ... so be nice or leave. 

I guess that's it.